Medium sized expectations

I was sitting on the subway listening to music and thinking about what it means to hear music. I like listening to music but I've realized that I really only like listening to "my" music. Being somewhere and having music playing is a completely different story, that's not music that you just sit and listen to, it's background or dance music, that's totally fine. But when it comes to sitting and listening to a song, I could stand to be more open to new songs. I don't know if that's just how I am or if its because I need to look up lyrics in order to understand them or because I need to listen to a song a few times before it starts to come together for me. I really don't know if I can "blame" this on my hearing or if that's just the way I'm designed, and I don't know if I'll ever know. I'll be curious to see how music changes, if at all, once I'm hearing in a different way. Also I'm going to have to find some good books to read on the subway until the Esteem is turned on because one-sided music sucks.  (click on "read more")



The music musings made me realize that it's kind of interesting that I have no idea what I'm not hearing. I find it hard to believe that other people hear sooooo much better than me. They certainly hear better but since I've never experienced what I can't hear, how could I think that they are hearing sounds that as far as I'm concerned don't exist (do you follow?). If this is even true! For all I know I do hear all the same sounds, just not loud enough, though I have a feeling the former case is true. Again, maybe I'll find out, maybe I won't, but it's kind of funny that I don't even know, and I'm skeptical that I'm particularly hearing deprived. I mean, you guys can't hear everything right? If you can... cool I guess. I feel like that idea should bother me more haha, oh well.

And now for something kind of different

I've been thinking lately about some of the reactions to my getting the Esteem. I almost feel worried that maybe some people are going to be disappointed if it's not a radically life altering device. Don't misunderstand, I am SO excited, but I'm just not expecting some kind of miracle. It seems like what the Esteem has given a lot of people is independence, but I'm already independent. What I'm looking forward to is a very specific kind of freedom. The freedom to not carry hearing aid batteries or worry if I forgot to bring a pack. The freedom to stand near a pool and not worry that somebody might push me in. The freedom to take a shower or go to sleep and not worry that the fire alarm could be going off without my knowledge. In short, I guess I just feel that maybe some people are expecting something like this and I don't think it's going to be that exciting, or at least not that heart-warming.

Maybe this is repetitive from what I said a little while ago but it's been on my mind. It's not like I'll get the Esteem and suddenly my life will come together, it's already together. So I guess my point is that I am incredibly excited but I am getting the Esteem as the next step in an upward trend of technology. It's something I've been waiting for for a long time, every time my family went kayaking, every time it was pool time at camp, every time I've spent a night in an empty apartment I've wished for this. I'm expecting the Esteem to be an incredible, invaluable, life-bettering tool but I'm not anticipating any kind of miracle but that's ok.

Anyway, the surgery is next week! wow, time flies