Tomorrow at 9am is my activation appointment. I'm not exactly what you would call a morning person so hopefully I won't fall asleep during it (and yes, it is possible, I have fallen asleep during hearing tests, one-on-one meetings, tests [including the SAT] and much more, it's a problem and coffee is my friend). That's definitely the least of my worries, though I have been trying, mostly unsuccessfully, to keep my worries at bay.
If any of you feel like I've been out of touch for the last week or two it's because I have been and I'm sorry but I've been slightly avoiding everybody just because the stress of tomorrow and everything else going on has been, well, stressful. I am completely in knots about tomorrow, I've been getting headaches and stomachaches for the last week and I'd be shocked if it didn't have to do with the stress. This is almost a year in the making... wow... that made my stomach drop. Almost a year ago that I heard about the Esteem and this all began and I still don't know whether it's a positive thing for my life or just a big traumatizing problem, tomorrow's the beginning of really figuring that out.
I have no idea what to expect and I think I learned the hard way this summer that things that you never imagine as possibilities can totally happen. So I feel like it's not worth my time or energy to speculate on what could happen tomorrow because the fall from optimism would be just as bad as being hit from out of nowhere, better to just shut down and let it happen and experience it than imagine all the possibilities and have to deal with things relating to that that in addition to what actually happens in terms of adjustments to the esteem actually being turned on (hopefully, who knows with my luck). So, yes, I've been detached and unsettled and avoiding everything but I'm ok with that because it's just a few more hours, most of them asleep, and then I'll know what I'm dealing with, good or bad. Meanwhile, I'm only 4 books behind (in one class!) from my little 3-day trip home, oy.
Wish me luck, and I will, of course, post as soon as possible about how it goes.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Two Sides
If I preface this post by saying that I'm not complaining, does that make it so? I really hate to feel like I am, but I suppose it's inevitable when you're writing a blog about things that have more than one dimension to them. Having only one hearing aid has been an interesting experience in that I've been seeing two kinds of frustration. On one side is the frustration of not being able to hear which makes me so grateful for my hearing aids. On the other side is the frustration of a hearing aid that whistles, is visible, and is uncomfortable when I try to put my head down on that side. I used to just take one hearing aid out if I wanted to lie on that side, but if I want to put my head down on my right side I can't do that now because then I won't be able to hear anything. In case you're wondering when I might come up with this problem since I don't sleep with my hearing aid in, here's an example for you: I took a very nice nap in the library today while working, but adjusting the angle of my head on the desk to avoid discomfort (on either side, I can feel the protuberance of the esteem and it aches a bit if I lie on it) and/or whistling took some effort.
When I have both of my hearing aids the things that have been bothering me lately don't bother me much at all, but I guess maybe I've been a bit more on edge from the exhaustion that comes from having only one hearing aid.
I guess what's bringing this about first is ballet class. Yes, I'm taking a very easy, casual ballet class, just for fun. I have no dance experience, I'm uncoordinated, and am not very graceful, but the class is really fun and I'm enjoying it a lot. Anyway, the other day we did an exercise where we had to lie on the floor on one side and stretch and rotate to the other side. When I was lying on the side with my hearing aid it was whistling non-stop and quite loudly which was beyond annoying. When I turned the volume down to make it stop then I couldn't hear the teacher and had to choose between doing what she was saying to do in that moment or being able to follow what she might say to do next. When on the other side, it was much better since the hearing aid was "up" but I was still struggling to hear her just by virtue of the fact that one side is not much hearing.
The whole thing made me think about how it feels when I notice that my hearing aid is annoying but also how much I need and appreciate it. I probably notice it whistling about 70% of the time when it does and it feels embarrassing or is very annoying, but I often don't even notice it. And it is better than not being able to hear anything.
Ok, I guess I'm done rambling about this, I'm not sure what my point is but it's just something that struck me the other day.
Now for something completely different:
My activation date for the esteem has been set! February 24th at 9am. I'm expecting little to nothing but it's exciting all the same. Just trying to keep my cool about it and not work it up in my mind as far as what it will be like or how it might sound. We'll see, we'll see, and don't worry, I'll keep you posted.
When I have both of my hearing aids the things that have been bothering me lately don't bother me much at all, but I guess maybe I've been a bit more on edge from the exhaustion that comes from having only one hearing aid.
I guess what's bringing this about first is ballet class. Yes, I'm taking a very easy, casual ballet class, just for fun. I have no dance experience, I'm uncoordinated, and am not very graceful, but the class is really fun and I'm enjoying it a lot. Anyway, the other day we did an exercise where we had to lie on the floor on one side and stretch and rotate to the other side. When I was lying on the side with my hearing aid it was whistling non-stop and quite loudly which was beyond annoying. When I turned the volume down to make it stop then I couldn't hear the teacher and had to choose between doing what she was saying to do in that moment or being able to follow what she might say to do next. When on the other side, it was much better since the hearing aid was "up" but I was still struggling to hear her just by virtue of the fact that one side is not much hearing.
The whole thing made me think about how it feels when I notice that my hearing aid is annoying but also how much I need and appreciate it. I probably notice it whistling about 70% of the time when it does and it feels embarrassing or is very annoying, but I often don't even notice it. And it is better than not being able to hear anything.
Ok, I guess I'm done rambling about this, I'm not sure what my point is but it's just something that struck me the other day.
Now for something completely different:
My activation date for the esteem has been set! February 24th at 9am. I'm expecting little to nothing but it's exciting all the same. Just trying to keep my cool about it and not work it up in my mind as far as what it will be like or how it might sound. We'll see, we'll see, and don't worry, I'll keep you posted.
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